Lately I have thinking about what is the next step for me, in terms of career. To do a PhD or not? Where? When? Do I want a scholarship that would bond me to a place for my post-doc? What are my chances of getting a scholarship? Is a PhD what I really want? Is my reason for doing a PhD the right one? Is research what I want to do for the rest of my life? Can I get a job after my PhD? Questions have been running through my mind. I have no idea why I have been thinking of these questions so seriously these few weeks. Maybe it's because I am going into the second half of the 2 yrs I decided to take after my honours yr. Maybe because I have nothing to look forward to in my life and need some excitement in terms of planning my life. Maybe I just don't like living a life not knowing what's at the end of the tunnel or where the tunnel ends. I just hate the part of life where I don't even know where I would be next yr this time or what I would be doing. It's like back to the time before I decided to do my honours, and also after my honours year. To stay in Australia or not? To apply for PR or not? Maybe it's because I am getting older and would be in my 30s when I finish my PhD, if and when I eventually get around to doing one. Maybe it's just the logical next step that people take in science. Maybe it's peer pressure. Maybe it's just so I don't have to do the job of the lab tech.
What puts me off is that after so many years in research, I seem to have not acquired the skill to interpret my results with respect to what is already known or how and what is already found, to know if the results obtained were expected and explain why. I also hate reading papers and presentations and would procrastinate if I have to do either. I seem to lack the drive to improve my knowledge in the field. Also I have really bad memory. I can't remember things so that I can link what I know now to the knowledge I acquired previously. And also I hate updating lab books. What kind of scientist am I? Financial problem is also another consideration if I do continue my studies.
So, would I eventually make a good scientist? Who knows? Would I eventually be Dr Chen? Who knows? I just hate the numerous questions in life now. So many questions but no answer....
